Here's a news story that hits the top of the stupo-meter:

Prosecutors say 24-year-old Marlon Brando Gill was angry and jealous when he forced the phone into Melinda Abell's throat in December. But defense attorneys insist the 25-year-old victim swallowed the phone intentionally to prevent Gill from finding out who she'd been calling.

That sounds pretty bad. Of course, you might wonder how anyone could actually force a cell phone down someone else's throat:

She testified yesterday that she couldn't remember how the phone got in her throat, saying she drank too much that night. Court records show that her blood alcohol content was three times the legal limit.

I think we need Dogbert for commentary on this one...