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by Josh Baltzell.
Original Post: Marriage Preparation: The Religious Pregame Warmup
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The first step in getting hitched in the Catholic Church for us was to talk to one of the nuns at our local church in Genoa Ohio. Angie gave me the phone number and I called to setup an appointment with Sister Jemma (I just realized that I’m not sure of the spelling, but I will come back and correct it if I need to.) Last night was out meeting with her.
She was more than welcoming to me and very helpful in getting us started. She walked us though the process they are starting to use now for new couples. She asked us a lot of questions that were mostly opinion based, but I'm sure she had an answer she was looking for.
My fiancée Angie was born and raised Catholic and I was not raised with a lot of religion. We didn’t go to church, but we celebrated Christmas and my parents and grandparents taught me many of the stories from the bible that either had significance or had worthwhile morals. Later in life I became more interested in religion, but more in a quest for understanding it than a need to have religion in my life. I suppose that since I can’t explain the fact that anything exists at all I must believe in God because there is no other answer, but I think if someone were trying to label me I suppose I would be an Agnostic.
Sister Jemma asked us about our feelings on roles of men and women in a marriage. I think that we are a reasonably progressive couple, but we want our options open. When kids come along I would like to be at a point where we could survive with one one spouse going to work. Angie has a degree relating to medical records so it would be nearly impossible for her to work from home, but since I am an Internet Programmer there is the possibility of me staying at home and continuing to work. So it is entirely possible that I may adjust my career while the kids are young so that one of us can stay with them as often as possible. Then again maybe she will want to stay home for a while, either way it’s all about options for us. The only specific role we joked about is that Angie has decided that taking out the trash will be my job. :)
She asked us a question that I can’t remember the exact wording to, but it related to whether or not you consider parent’s decisions and opinions to be very important. I’m not sure of the exact reason for the question, maybe it is to see if our parents are forcing us to marry because the topic of whether or not we are “free to marry” (as in we decided to marry without any other pressure.) We said that we were both close to our parents and we ask them for advice and talk about the things happening in our lives on a regular basis, and they have never really disagreed with any choices we have made. But, if they were to be against the marriage for some reason, we would probably still marry.
She asked about how the children would be raised and I agreed that I didn’t have a problem raising them in the Catholic Church. I think there could be some value to Sunday school as long as they realize that the church is one way to look at things and that it is really their choice what they believe. I think there are some good morals to learn in the bible, but there are other things that I honestly don’t believe. As long as they know that they have a choice it is all good to me. That question seemed like she knew what the answer would be before she asked it and we went past it quickly when I said I didn’t have a problem with it.
We actually got a little off topic for a while when she asked me what I think of when I think of God. I tried to word my answer as inoffensive, but honestly as I could. I said it was hard for me to picture God sitting above and watching us even though he know the future ant the past. I didn’t say this, but to me it seems like it would be pointless to create if you know the outcome. Why create worshippers for yourself if they never would do anything you don’t expect? (My girlfriend laughs at me because one time when talking about religion I told her, “I think the best present you could ever give God would be a surprise.” (I think that is funny, maybe I am just a corny SOB.)) We started talking about Jonah and the whale and some other hard to grasp stories of the bible. She gave some answers about them that I wouldn’t have expected and she presented herself and the religion she was representing as not being fundamentalist and believing the bible word-for-word. I liked that conversation a lot, it felt like we were just chatting and not like an interview. In fact that is how I felt for the whole talk after I got in and sat down.
If Angie can remember some more questions I will write them down, but I want to get on with the new program they are doing for couples looking to marry. When you want to go to the church and be married the church now assigns you a couple that has been married for a while to help you learn about what to expect. We have been coupled with a reasonably local couple with a few kids. I will write more detail about them as soon as we talk to them if they are comfortable with me writing any specifics about them.
I really don’t think this is a bad idea. Supposedly they are much younger than I thought they would be when I first heard about the program, somewhere in their 30s or 40s. I suppose that when I heard about the program I was expecting a retired couple that will tell us about how they were married in a barn by the priest that covered the surrounding 400 miles and had to come out on a horse and buggy to marry them in time before he had to get on a steam boat to go fight Krauts in the Great War. I think that talking to them will be a valuable and casual experience. Maybe we will end up with some new friends in the least.
Before we call them up we were told to do some reading in a workbook and answer the questions separately. The other couple is going to do the same. We meet with then about five times anywhere that we both agree on (Sister Jemma said that it would probably be at their house.) Then after we are done we come back and talk to her and make sure we know the process that happens in the wedding itself.
Okay, I’m sure I lost all the people that have ADD like I do somewhere in the first few paragraphs so I will wrap it up here. So far it has been reasonably easy and logical (That is better than I expected.) We have also picked out a hall for the reception already, but I haven’t had time to write about it. That will come soon.
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