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Tonight I buried our cat, Bert.
Apparently someone ran him over this morning. A bloke in a Mini, who was doing 40 or 50 mph down our (rather tight) street (with cars all down the side). I came home to find Sam and Niamh crying their hearts out, unsurprisingly. The neighbours had picked Bert up and packed him into a box, which was nice of them; I went and collected him. And then I buried him.

Neighbours: thanks.

Bloke in a Mini: I hope your dick rots off.

Bert: goodbye. We loved you.