Artima User
Posts: 1
Nickname: thedude
Registered: Nov, 2003
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Re: We will not ship shit. (humor)
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Posted: Nov 17, 2003 9:33 PM
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Will your message reach it's intended audience, however? Here it is translated for morons:
As soffware craffsmen webuh habe rules, duuhhhh, disciplines, duuhhhh, 'n prackices dat webuh foll to help us maitain a high degree of kality 'n professhunalism. Duh, howebeh, dehe are allays trade-offs, duuhhhh, allays considehashuns, duuhhhh, allays possibiltibies. Somebimes webuh abandon a c'plex test case cuz webuh neid to finish the, duh uhh, task, and bisual inspeckshun or manual testigg is sufficient. DOIHH!Somebimes webuh fail to write an acceptass test cuz it's c'plicated, uh uh uh uh, 'n de bang-f'-buck is low. Somebimes webuh don't program in pairs, duuhhhh, cuz -- webuhll -- webuh don't habe a partneh nearby, or webuh're sick of programmigg wid someone else, uh uh uh, or de current task is mechanical. GEE danks.Somebimes webuh keep a module checkid out f' more dan a couble of hours, GEEEHEEHEEE.Somebimes (damnid rarely! Doihh, COOL!) webuh check in code dat fails t' pass all de acceptass tests, duuhhhh, or all de ut tests. Dey're dgust rules, duuhhhh, 'n rules are made t' be broke. Blind folligg rules is a fools ehrand. Gawlly!Webuh habe enough grey matteh to discehn when de rules are helpful 'n when dey are not. Webuh habe de reponsibiltiby t' continuous mehbshur whedeh de rules are helpful, or whedeh dey are not. But den -- dehe's somedigg else. Somedigg dat is cold 'n hard, uh uh uh uh, 'n yet simultaneous hot 'n blazigg. Somedigg, amidst all the, errr, c'promise 'n ambiguity, dat is neideh c'promisid nor ambiguous. Somedigg dat spawns 'n repawns de rules webuh foll, 'n yet challenges dose rules at ebehy turn. De still small boice; de angel's trumpet, uh, de grim detehminashun, de dgoyous declarashun: "I WILL NOT SHIP SHIT." - "I am a professhunal -- a craffsman! Doihh, COOL!" -- "No matteh what pressures are on me." -- "No matteh duh, how I'be had t' bend de rules." -- "No matteh what shortcuts I'be had t' take." -- "No matteh what de gods, duuhhhh, or managehs, duuhhhh, habe done or may do." -- -- "I WILL DO THE BEST WORK I CAN POSSIBLY DO." -- -- "Anydigg short of my best is shit." -- -- "I _ WILL _ NOT _ SHIP _ SHIT." F' me, uh uh uh, at least, uh, dis is what it all comes down to. I find dat de rules of XP help me t' achiebe dis most of the, duh uhh, time -- more of the, duh uhh, time dan any odeh set of rules I habe folled. But rules are rules, duuhhhh, 'n when dey get in the, uh, the way of dis goal, dey get set aside. I do not set de rules aside lite. Indeed, uh uh uh uh, when in dout, I foll dem. When de pressure is on, I foll dem. When the, uhhh, deadline looms, duuhhhh, I foll dem. I try hard not t' let fear dribe me. Fear is de mind killeh. It breeds idiocies like: "Webuh don't habe time t' write tests." "Webuh don't habe time t' program in pairs." "Webuh don't habe time t' integrate continuous." "Webuh don't habe time t' automate our acceptass tests." Dese idiocies are a siren's song. GEE danks.Deir lure is strong. Look in deir direckion 'n De Despair begins. All de rules will fall away. Our core of professhunal pride is the, errr, cure. Dat somedigg dat is bod cold 'n hard, uh uh uh uh, yet hot 'n blazigg. It won't set aside a rule out of fear. It sets aside a rule when *de rule* will cuz you t' ship shit. Go now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, de lesson has ended.
Translation by http://rinkworks.com/dialect/
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